Chasing the years of my life....

On a beautiful day like today I am pensive about the glory years left behind. Thinking back on days gone by. Thinking of when I was on fire with all those grand dreams. Hoping I would find true love, becoming a mother, soldier, a scholar...so many many things........

Young....I would lose myself instantaneously. On the brink of womanhood. Never a wish better than this...when you have your entire life laid out in front of you. But in a blink of an eye the years rush by & I stand as I am today....chasing the years of my life.

What does it mean to be a veteran?

Joining the Army 22 years ago was never in question for myself. When I was around 14 years old I knew I wanted to sign up. It felt right. I wanted to travel, earn money for college via the Army College Fund, and serve my country....yes...those three words....serve my country.

Today as we reach yet another year with the wars overseas I think about the kids who joined for the same reasons I did and wonder what motivated them? Serving in these wars cost us so much in so many ways. My heart goes out to the lot of them....so really, what does it mean to be a soldier?

For many it can mean different things. For myself I was proud to wear the uniform....to be part of something greater than myself. My strength, my character, fortitude was tested time and again on various levels...at times I honestly thought I would either physically or mentally break, wouldn't be able to follow through---however I did. I wanted my family to be proud....wanted to be proud of myself. Had to be part of history.

Being a veteran means you carry within you a slew of memories that most people simply don't have. You were a member of an elite camaraderie that poems, stories, movies were penned from. And when you are done You feel an acute sense of loss because you are no longer a part of that greater whole.

Being a veteran means you gave up a core piece of yourself for your fellow countrymen; and those serving in Iraq and Afghanistan gave up allot...their families, friends, personal freedoms for something greater--though we may all have our issues regarding these wars.....we must never forget that it was people like them that gave us the freedoms we have now....part of that grander generation from long past............part of what being an American is all about.

Passion

Tasting life with an essence of splendor.

Giving your heart to someone you love--desire...craving a kiss, touch...a simple look.

What is passion?

You want to breathe in their scent--taste the sweetness of lips--body craving a glimpse of a smile, to hear their laughter--seek the joy.

Passion can fill you--each fiber of your being making you yearn--pressing deeply inside of it--to the point you feel as if your mind, heart, the pulsing of your very blood is consumed by this person.....a sweet torture of senses.

Capturing the Moment

I originally posted this on my other blog on March 22, 2008 which bears the same name as this one and wanted to re-post since it means so much to me:

Live life in the moment.

What does it mean to you?

It means a lot of different things such as venturing outside your comfort zone….and people have varying levels of that comfort I know.

What I might consider an adventure others might regard as unsafe…and yet some will take it a step further and feel that I am being far too conservative.

ME? Conservative? Maybe in some issues. not in all.

Living in the moment is capturing what it—LIFE–means to you…unique to each and every individual.

My life…..ahhhhh my life—–has been chalked full of many such moments…frozen in time as if laid upon a piece of faded Kodak paper.

I can still visualize the years slipping away taking me back to a time maybe forgotten once but somehow…something keeps bringing it all back.

Could be as simple as a song, as devine as a smell, perhaps a word or phrase someone passes along my way.

Anything…

And I think………….

I think…………………………

Why did I do that?

What was it for?

Did it change me?

Did it move me—-

---move me to the point where my chosen path in life changed because of that one captured moment?

Yes….yes God to so many things…….sometimes it feels like a rush of images, experiences, emotions…almost like watching an old 8mm movie reel of: “This is YOUR Life.”

And you bear witness to your triumphs, mistakes, glories, tears, love, laughter, pain, color, sounds, voices, regret, friendships, travels, sickness, creativity—deaths, goals met….goals lost——advice given and……not taken.

This is your life. Yours…to capture in your hands, heart, soul—to seek in doubt, faith, love-and in the end having the strength to sift through it all and claim what is yours, to acknowledge all that is there—capture all of it…all of it and realize….this is your life.

Journey to new heights...explore your sensibilities.

Find meaning in each gesture--

Give yourself up to the pleasures of man

Revel in the uniqueness of yourself...

Embrace the dawn with all you have to give.

The "essentialness" of being human

So what is this essential?

What makes us human?

Humane?

Is it recognizing each other's weaknesses?

Or our strengths?

Helping someone fail?

Or giving in time of need?

Is it all of these things....some?

What makes us human....gives us this sense of humanity which encompasses all of who and what we are....races, creeds, religions, values....the totality of our thoughts, dreams, processes....

Could it be the soul?

Our spirit of giving?

The ability to believe in a Higher Power?

Embracing the sanctity of life in whatever form we take it to be?

Is it the way we love?

Hate?

Protect----

Our children?

The elderly?

How we can oh so easily smile, laugh, cry, scream--and revel in being this person whose free will gives reign to conquer this world...claim it to be our own....

To discover--

What makes us human?

Music and the soul

Sometimes notes can touch a part of us we thought was left silent....darkness consumes that corner of our heart hurt perhaps from a love lost or forgotten childhood memory--yet one day we can listen to a note...a song or someone's voice singing with such ardent passion--and our memories unfold in sudden flashes giving us a tantalizing glimpse of what Heaven must be like.............