Managing Stress

This month is a killer. Am turning 40, have to fly to Florida for a week for a wedding and dad is in the hospital as I write this.

How to manage all of this without losing your mind?

Good question...

For me it has always been exercise however I canceled my membership at 24 Hour Fitness because I want to try out the three month exercise regime mentioned in this post. Burning off the anger, stress, ranting, crying, hair pulling, frustration, screaming, and all around kookiness of the issues I am facing will do wonders......

In the meantime I feel that taking all of this in stride, one day at a time is a must.

Thinking positive thoughts...knowing that there is a silver lining in every cloud (as corny as that can be) can be a life saver.

Good medicine for the soul...

Dealing with an elderly parent part II

Normally I don't delve too much about my "personal" life here unless I feel it can benefit others.

I had a family emergency this week regarding my father who is diabetic and insulin dependent. He was transferred from the Marion VA Hospital to the one here in Saint Louis. Thankfully there are benefits out there for veterans like my dad and myself when the need should arise.

However, I can easily see how more money needs to be filtered into the VA hospitals in this country for several reasons (it's just not Walter Reed--check out this story for more reasons why we need to be an active voice for our nation's veterans):

The scandal has reverberated through generations of veterans. "It's been a potent reminder of past indignities and past traumas," said Thomas A. Mellman, a professor of psychiatry at Howard University who specializes in post-traumatic stress and has worked in Veterans Affairs hospitals. "The fact that it's been responded to so quickly has created mixed feelings -- gratification, but obvious regret and anger that such attention wasn't given before, especially for Vietnam veterans."

Across the country, some military quarters for wounded outpatients are in bad shape, according to interviews, Government Accountability Office reports and transcripts of congressional testimony. The mold, mice and rot of Walter Reed's Building 18 compose a familiar scenario for many soldiers back from Iraq or Afghanistan who were shipped to their home posts for treatment. Nearly 4,000 outpatients are currently in the military's Medical Holding or Medical Holdover companies, which oversee the wounded. Soldiers and veterans report bureaucratic disarray similar to Walter Reed's: indifferent, untrained staff; lost paperwork; medical appointments that drop from the computers; and long waits for consultations.

My personal observations

1. They are understaffed (big time)
2. The hospitals are outdated and in need of repair. (The conditions which these vets are hospitalized in leaves allot to be desired).
3. With the influx of war veterans the US Government has to step up to the plate and fix these problems...along with everything else that is in need of help in the VA system.

Be your own advocate

Being a diabetic means watching (diligently...almost religiously) what you eat and HOW you take care of your body. Dad, for whatever reason, doesn't take care of himself like he should with this disease.

Everything falls on mom or the children.

I cannot stress enough how important it is for parents to ensure that they can manage their health care. Create living wills, make sure your affairs are in order (for the inevitable), use common sense....(canNOT stress that enough).

Children are there, of course for the moral support and if need to be to step in. But at the same time I am a strong advocate of people taking charge of their lives if they are capable of doing so. Don't get lazy or stubborn about these issues. I for one plan on making sure that my affairs are in order, that I use common sense when it comes to my health, and to create the least amount of stress for my only child when that time does arise in the far off future.

Taking care of my health now, mental and physical not only is common sense but a responsibility that I have to myself and to my family.

Be your own advocate!!!

PS90X

I was watching the infomercial (and usually skip these things when I channel surf)...but it caught my eye  because for quite some time I have been wanting to find something that would mentally and physically challenge me. The gym isn't cutting it.  

Not only did I dread going there because it can be intimidating....it just isn't what I am seeking for my personal long-term fitness goals.

So I watched the infomercial....(didn't scoff this time around)....and you know what....this one hooked me....so I cancelled my membership and am going to buy the package.  I figure the money I spent the last year and a half at the gym did what it could do and now in the privacy in my own home I can work the way I want to without being self-conscious of others "watching" me as I do...so this is the best fit for me (and am posing a challenge to my brother and sister to see if they will accept this and we do this "together" though live in different states):

P90X is a revolutionary system of 12 sweat-inducing, muscle-pumping workouts, designed to transform your body from regular to ripped in just 90 days. You'll also receive a comprehensive 3-phase nutrition plan, specially designed supplement options, a detailed fitness guide, a calendar to track your progress, online peer support, and much more. Your personal trainer, Tony Horton, will keep you engaged every step of the way, and you won't believe your results!

Celebrating the 4-0 early

After a long day with her sister..............

At the wax muesum in Laclede's Landing (Saint Louis)

The devil in me (see the eyes)...........

Sister decided to come down and celebrate this milestone early in case things get too busy in Florida:

For my mother....

I grew up listening to this artist...when I hear his songs, his voice...it takes me back decades to when I was a  girl safe in my mother's arms:

Estando contigo

Me olvido de todo y de mi

Parece que todo lo tengo

Teniendote a ti

Y no siento este mal

Que me agobia

Y que llevo conmigo

Arruinando esta vida

Que tengo y no puedo vivir

Eres luz que ilumina

Las noches en mi largo camino

Y es por eso

Que frente al destino

No quiero vivir

Una rosa en tu pelo

Parece una estrella en el cielo

Y en el viento parece un acento

Tu voz musical

Y parece un destello de luz

La medalla en tu cuello

Al menor movimiento

De tu cuerpo al andar

Yo a tu lado no siento las horas

Que van con el tiempo

Ni me acuerdo que llevo en mi pecho

Una herida mortal

Yo contigo no siento el sonar

De la lluvia y el viento

Porque llevo tu amor en mi pecho

Como un madrigal 

******My Brother******

AKA Captain Morgan

Japanese Festival 2008 II

There was so much color, sound, flavors, energy....a wonderful visit. (Click on pictures to enlarge them).

Japanese Festival 2008

MY DAUGHTER'S ARTWORK

GOD BLESS THAT CREATIVITY OF HERS! :^)

Mi Familia Latina

La vida es una celebración

Latina Beauty

This picture of one of my lovely cousins illustrates the ethereal beauty of the Latina woman. (I'm envious of her!)...seriously though I remember how she (memory a tad foggy) was a bit of a tomboy, and with my sister would hang out together like the 2 musketeers. They were inseparable...causing mischief but fiercely loyal to their family, their roots.

I always thought she had the exotic look of a movie star.....a sultriness which came natural...it simply exudes itself from her personality. This photo is the epitome of what a gorgeous Puerto Rican lady is like.....................

Cynthia Rose discusses the challenges of Latin beauties in her article: The Challenges of 'Cha Cha': What is Latina Beauty? The article illustrates how the....Latina style loves to perform, and revels in dramatic gestures. For, in all Latino cultures, "beauty" means more than display. Beauty means the acting-out of age-old debates. Those debates - about what it looks like and means to be female - rage afresh in every generation and in every family. Says Norte: "Beauty involves your Mom, your lover, your aunts, your best friends, Hollywood, politics, Mexican movie stars, grandparents and godparents. Our kind of beauty is dialogue."

Latin beauty to me is timeless.....exotic with a touch of mystique.

On a side note:

It will be wonderful seeing my Puerto Rican family at my brother's wedding. Because of my shyness I don't keep in touch like I should but they are always in my heart.

Spending summers in Puerto Rico as a child was like a fairytale...a whole other world separate from Midwest Indiana. Being exposed to such diversity opened me up to accepting people from all walks of life, religions, cultures, creeds.....and as I grow older I do realize how important the family is and how I need to make a better effort to keep in touch.

Missing Mom...

Had mom for a week and it was nice. People wonder where I get my quirky sense of humor and it's from dear ol' ma. She has a way at times to make you crack a smile when you're feeling down...not only that, I consider her a mother's mom...meaning she will mother you still even if you are a mom yourself. She grew up as the eldest of 12 and assisted in the care of her younger siblings--giving her all the necessary skills to raise her own children.

Growing up some of my earliest memories are of mom singing to her classic Puerto Rican jibara music and cleaning.......yes cleaning. Mom was a neat freak....BIG time....but it's all good because it taught her oldest child (me) how to keep a good home. And I try. ;^)

For myself I really hate disorder but when you are super busy holding down a job sometimes things can be left to the wayside. Yet, I do like a spotless home......Perhaps the Virgo in me who knows? You have to check out my posting on Virgos...almost spot on but not 100%--but almost.

Anyway, I digress but mom, always the clean freak, loves to come and tackle my home.... I have my knick knacks displayed in certain ways mom can find a "better" formula to organize. I just smile and roll my eyes because mom is just being mom.

I am very lucky to have her. Mom is a homemaker and my memories of her are mostly fond ones. Though there were issues in the family, like in all families, I can say mom really was there for her kids. I brag about her at work and my teammates are always saying to me: "Make sure you say hi to your mom for me!" And they always want me to bring her by some time. Cute.

Anyway, I had to see her off this morning at oh gawd 4:30am.....it's hard sometimes seeing that five foot figure (though she claims she is five foot one and a half---yeah right!) leave me-- well....my family is spread all across this great country. (Not like I am this big mama's girl but maybe a tad) I felt lonely seeing her off....because then it's just me and the kid.

But it's all good because even though she is geographically far away....in my heart she will always reside.

Fashion and where you are at

My sister bought me this dress for the vacation in South Beach and it made me wonder (as my imagination does fly) in regards to fashion trends across the United States. One thing I have noticed about the Midwest is we tend to receive the current fashions at a slower pace than say the East or West Coast (a dressing down trend)....is it me or do Midwesterners tend to wear muted palette than say people who favor more bolder colors in Florida, the coast and even the Caribbean?

I noticed on my last trip to Miami even the houses reflect the laid back colorful atmosphere of the tropical state. Pastels of every hue and you feel a sense of energy. Homes here in the Midwest are just as muted as the fashion we wear. If I saw a bright pink house amidst a neighborhood of brick my first gut reaction would be (???) but in Florida would seem quite normal, or even New Orleans....So each section of the United States appears to have it's own unique style, flavor.

Mi Familia

Abuela linda, Julia, Juliana y Ady

Anime Conventions 2008 (Shinsengumi and Waffles)

Dealing with a special needs child

When a girl thinks about becoming a mother one day the best they hope for is a healthy child. Who doesn't want one?

I dreamt of becoming a mother since well....as far back as my memory goes. It came natural to me. I played with dolls, I played make believe "mom"....with my younger sister I used to set up our bedroom like a schoolroom and created worksheets and assignments. I taught my sister how to read and write before she entered Kinder. I never saw it as work, simply as something I loved to do.

When I became a mother at 19 sure it was scary but I loved my daughter even before she was born. I knew I was having a girl (instinct) no ultrasound told me this. I bought girl clothes, bedding, the works. I was also in the military which presented unique situations for becoming a single mother.

Despite the hardships I would never trade for one moment having my daughter. She gave me a whole new perspective on life. I will always be grateful for what she has shown me through the years for simply being herself.

When I decided to place her in a Catholic pre-school it came to my attention via the staff there that my daughter had a problem.

Speech problems and attention issues.

We began a battery of tests and found out that she had several learning disabilities, one of which was ADHD. She was placed on ritlin however it made her into a zombie and I promptly took her off. Maybe this drug works for some parents but I simply could not see myself with a child whose personality was zapped by chemicals. So, with patience and perseverance I handled it. Despite the pressures placed upon me by her teachers to put her back on I couldn't do it. I was afraid of the long term effects and also the drug took away her vibrant personality.

Because of the learning disabilities my daughter was placed in a special needs class early on and received additional tutoring through some wonderful programs in Indiana and Missouri. She is a wonderful person...who loved school despite the difficulties and ended up on the National Honor Society because of her diligence.

Though she still has some struggles (currently in college) mom is there to always be her champion. Some people don't understand why my daughter, who is 20 still lives at home. My question to these people is why does it matter to you so much?

Kids these days are having a tough time trying to make ends meet....even the average middle class family is. What I don't understand is why parents (some) think it's ok to shove off their kids as soon as they hit 18. My daughter didn't graduate from high school until last year. She has emotionally developed slower than others in her peer group. I also find it odd that there are individuals out there who judge me as a mother for having my daughter still at home. Honestly...what does that say about their character?

Irregardless, I grew up in a traditional Hispanic household where children are not seen as a burden to their parents but rather a blessing. We believe that a child, especially a girl, should remain at home until 1. They Marry or 2. Find a stable job. Makes sense to me. Why shove off a child when they are not financially or emotionally ready? Of course we teach the life skills needed for our children to developed independently. That goes without saying and in this society it is imperative that our children be taught self-sustaining skills. It only makes sense.

But dealing with a special needs child means having extra patience and being a parent doesn't mean it all stops at 18. Their lives are just beginning and we should always be there to emotionally support them through their trials and errors...pass down our wisdom so that one day when they have their own children we can finally see the fruition of all the love, time, and effort we placed into our kids.

Mornings

Never was a morning person (my co-workers can vouch for this) however once the insipid alarm goes off I cannot help but leap out of bed. Been this way since well...forever. Mom never had to tell me twice to get up for school. Now my brother and sister...different story. Usually she had to threaten to get dad to wake them and that pretty much did it.

Waking up at 3:45am like I did today is no fun because I wasn't planning to get up until 5. Today is gym day so I like to be off and ready to work by 6am...

I don't know about most mothers, (working and stay at home)....but usually I don't get allot of alone time unless I demand it.

I get up, get dressed and ready for work (alone time) and then off to work for 8 and a half hours, come home and usually am not alone...except when the kid is off to school....and after that well....I allot myself some "me" time because I need it to unwind and simply think.

I could bemoan getting up way before the alarm but then I think...I am also getting some "me" time and though I have a Himmie passed out blissfully on his back near my feet, I do feel a sense of peace now at approx. 4:16am.

Then it's off for another "fun" pack day. ;^)

Holidays

An avid fan of Halloween am currently delving into recipes and decorations, and fun crafts...for creative ideas please check out DIY Network.

Zoey Update

Hi everyone.. Thank you so very much for your outpouring of love regarding my story. It makes me feel so special inside. Since my mom's last entry I have made several significant baby steps. She is completely overwhelmed with pride for my bravery. For the first time this week I started giving my foster mommy kisses. I have to admit, I'm so cute exposing my belly for that extra loving attention...what dog doesn't want her tummy rubbed? My foster mom showers me with kisses around my face so I thought it would be nice to give her a couple of my own wet kisses to show my appreciation. This weekend we took a significant step forward in my emotional development. All of us piled into a car and headed off on a mini-vacation to Michigan City. I was such a good little girl. You see, my foster dad has an extended truck so I would lay in the back cab on a pillow during the entire trip sleeping and dreaming about my future. I have also begun demonstrating more affection to humans. When my foster mom comes home I get so excited that I run in a circle while wagging my tail. Who would have thought that I could come from being scared of my shadow to now wagging my tail everyday? Another significant milestone is that I took my first walk on a leash a few weeks ago and have made amazing progress. Though I have to admit I do walk with my tail in between my legs my foster mom knows I am headed in the right direction. Baby steps are critical.

Mommy takes me at night so there is less distractions and fears to interfere with learning how to walk on the leash. With all this great progress there are still some things that I'm working on. Unfortunately I continue to bite at my foster dad. It has decreased some, but not entirely. I don't know why I'm so scared of him. I know patience is the key. He is so sweet to me, giving me belly rubs, scratching the back of my ear but for some reason I'm still scared and me trying to bite him scares him too. Such a big guy to be scared by little ol' me but when I'm scared I do bite, that is something that you need to know.

Right now my foster mom thinks that I would not be the best dog for people with children. Who knows - years from now - I could be great with kids but as of stated it would most likely take a year or so of socialization. I'm better off with adults that know how to handle me. I'm still not potty trained and my vet states I need some time for this but moving forward. I don't mind going potty where I sleep so the crate training doesn't work on me. Hey, if you went potty where you slept for 5 years, you too would have a hard time understanding why all of a sudden it isn't allowed. Whoever adopts me must expect that I will make accidents and that there is a possibility that I may never be completely potty trained. No human knows what the future has in store for me. One day I could be completely potty trained or I may never be but my foster mom says that she owes it to my future forever home to give the warning.

I did have a pretty bad ear infection last week but thankfully it's all gone now. My vet said that I have a luxating patella which is a knee cap that moves out of its normal location. She said that it is a common knee problem in Yorkies but that whoever adopts me needs to know that in my later years I could acquire arthritis. She said there are supplemental vitamins called Synovi G3 that promotes healthy joint function and assists with any future problems. I don't have any problems currently but you need to know that a vitamin will help me secure a future with less joint problems.

Aside from all of this I'm so happy to be where I'm at. I have started playing with the other dogs and show no aggression toward any of the animals. I have the most confidence that one day you will see that I'm as normal as any other dog. I can't believe how lucky I am to get a 3rd chance at life after almost being put down twice. I love life more then I ever have and you can see it now that my tail is finally wagging.

Please check out United Yorkie Rescue

Sicko

Watched an interesting documentary today from Michael Moore. Sometimes it made me angry other times completely shocked. And it brought me to tears.

Forty-seven million Americans, including more than 9 million children, are living without health care coverage.

Each year, more and more hard-working families are joining the ranks of the uninsured.

I think about my father who chooses to turn down Medicare at 65 years of age because it is cheaper for him to receive health care benefits from the VA...not like they are the best but at least it's something.

Dad is on several medications and it truly saddens me that he struggles at times to budget his medication to make it last while in other countries the same meds cost much much less--and at times free.

And it's not getting any easier.

My heart was in turmoil watching this documentary unfold. I listened and watched the various stories unfold of 9/11 workers not receiving proper healthcare....patients unabled to pay their hospital bill being dumped off in hospital gowns in Skid Row.

I wonder and my heart cries out for Americans who struggle each and every day to make ends meet and with the economy spiraling ever downward as it has this past couple of years....trying to remain healthy and pay for one's health care seems to become an ever present battle among US citizens.

What is going on?

Who benefits?

Certainly not the average American struggling to meet their basic necessities.

Warped.

Where is our sense of priority for our elderly?

Our sick?

For the millions of uninsured--and these include people with one or more jobs. Treating the sick is a business not a divine calling.

Tell me please....for I beg to try and understand...................for health care is not a privilege but a right.