Marital advice

I was reading my Prevention Mag regarding heart healing and marital discord.

According to Dr. Arthur Agatson, his article Married to Heart Health:

Spouses who reported a lot of negative encounters with their partner had blood pressure that was on average 5 points higher than that of single people. The emotional stress of a difficult marriage typically causes adrenaline levels in the blood to spike, raising blood pressure; it can also cause blood vessels to spasm. Worse, women who keep their feelings to themselves during arguments with their husband have a four times greater risk of dying than women who do not, according to findings reported in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

So obviously, the quality of your marriage is a key factor in determining whether your heart will benefit from it.

He discusses the benefits of couples being able to freely argue with one another without storing all their pent up emotions for fear of causing marital rift.

Talk therapy
Good communication is key to a vital, healthful marriage. John Gottman, PhD, executive director of the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, recommends these strategies for managing conflict:

State your needs If you don't, you will end up blaming your partner (who is not a mind reader) for not meeting them.

Listen to your partner's concerns Get his perspective--empathy is essential to fostering greater intimacy.

Solve problems as they arise Stonewalling or avoiding conflict leads to simmering resentment, bitterness, and anger.

Learn to negotiate People's needs are always changing; good relationships require constant give-and-take.

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Good advice for anyone really and especially for couples who are having problems and communication has become a forgotten tool. They should face their problems instead of letting it all stew until either one or both individuals explode. I have seen couples bicker for the most insane issue(s)....for me it is a sign of a larger problem. The partner will nag over something so benign as taking the trash out when really the person is upset because the spouse is not fulfilling his or her full share in household chores/came in late/etc. and etc.

Being single has its benefits but for me at least if you find that individual you want to share your life with better to have a brightly lit road ahead of you than all these obstacles that make you want to simply give up.