Dealing with a special needs child

When a girl thinks about becoming a mother one day the best they hope for is a healthy child. Who doesn't want one?

I dreamt of becoming a mother since well....as far back as my memory goes. It came natural to me. I played with dolls, I played make believe "mom"....with my younger sister I used to set up our bedroom like a schoolroom and created worksheets and assignments. I taught my sister how to read and write before she entered Kinder. I never saw it as work, simply as something I loved to do.

When I became a mother at 19 sure it was scary but I loved my daughter even before she was born. I knew I was having a girl (instinct) no ultrasound told me this. I bought girl clothes, bedding, the works. I was also in the military which presented unique situations for becoming a single mother.

Despite the hardships I would never trade for one moment having my daughter. She gave me a whole new perspective on life. I will always be grateful for what she has shown me through the years for simply being herself.

When I decided to place her in a Catholic pre-school it came to my attention via the staff there that my daughter had a problem.

Speech problems and attention issues.

We began a battery of tests and found out that she had several learning disabilities, one of which was ADHD. She was placed on ritlin however it made her into a zombie and I promptly took her off. Maybe this drug works for some parents but I simply could not see myself with a child whose personality was zapped by chemicals. So, with patience and perseverance I handled it. Despite the pressures placed upon me by her teachers to put her back on I couldn't do it. I was afraid of the long term effects and also the drug took away her vibrant personality.

Because of the learning disabilities my daughter was placed in a special needs class early on and received additional tutoring through some wonderful programs in Indiana and Missouri. She is a wonderful person...who loved school despite the difficulties and ended up on the National Honor Society because of her diligence.

Though she still has some struggles (currently in college) mom is there to always be her champion. Some people don't understand why my daughter, who is 20 still lives at home. My question to these people is why does it matter to you so much?

Kids these days are having a tough time trying to make ends meet....even the average middle class family is. What I don't understand is why parents (some) think it's ok to shove off their kids as soon as they hit 18. My daughter didn't graduate from high school until last year. She has emotionally developed slower than others in her peer group. I also find it odd that there are individuals out there who judge me as a mother for having my daughter still at home. Honestly...what does that say about their character?

Irregardless, I grew up in a traditional Hispanic household where children are not seen as a burden to their parents but rather a blessing. We believe that a child, especially a girl, should remain at home until 1. They Marry or 2. Find a stable job. Makes sense to me. Why shove off a child when they are not financially or emotionally ready? Of course we teach the life skills needed for our children to developed independently. That goes without saying and in this society it is imperative that our children be taught self-sustaining skills. It only makes sense.

But dealing with a special needs child means having extra patience and being a parent doesn't mean it all stops at 18. Their lives are just beginning and we should always be there to emotionally support them through their trials and errors...pass down our wisdom so that one day when they have their own children we can finally see the fruition of all the love, time, and effort we placed into our kids.